Joshua Minden (00:01):

Stories & Other Things Holy is back with episode 23, the fourth in our Lenten series. I'm so glad you could join us. This week's episode is all about the space in between when we're called to let go of the things that no longer serve us or that no longer reflect who we are becoming. I've spent a lot of time in that space in between knowing who I am or was defined by a role or a position, a talent or a skill, but not yet knowing the identity I'm transitioning into. Perhaps you know what that feels like to leave a job or a community to move to a new area, to lose a spouse or to walk away from something that was once a passion but no longer. In this podcast, we talk a lot about risk, and today's story aims to encourage us to risk, to risk letting go, embracing the space in between, between who I know myself to have been and who I am becoming. The good news is even though we've jumped and not yet landed, the source of love is with us looking on as a loving papa or mama delighted in us and comforting us in that space of uncertainty and vulnerability. I think you're really going to love this story. Stories & Other Things Holy!

Dr. Terry Nelson-Johnson (01:41):

Stories & Other Things Holy. I have this image of the trapeze associated with Lent, and you may have heard a previous story about the trapeze, but the most intriguing, one of the most intriguing elements of doing the trapeze, which I've had the privilege of doing, is that moment after you've let go of one bar before you catch the other, that's it. It's like liminal space, the in-between space, and there's something about that image and lent that makes sense to me. Lent is this contemplation of dying and rising of death and resurrection, and what's the space in between story that lives in me associated with that involves my daughter, who you've heard about in a couple of other stories at the time of the story. She's like, I don't know, 12.

(02:47):

She is a serious gymnast all the time. Gymnast, those of you who have done this thing, and you hear that same music over and over in your head for like 9,000 times and all the glitter is still in your car. Are you with me now? And your money, glitter money. They're all going to gymnasts camps. So she's at this point where she goes to practice at four o'clock in the afternoon. It's about a 50 minute commute, more or less, and then comes home and then has to have dinner a little bit before, a little bit after. She's studying with a nightlight. I mean the whole thing, and she's completely committed to it and intrigued by it and challenged by it, and it has pretty much taken up her life and a big chunk of our life as well. A couple of injuries, not insignificant injuries.

(03:37):

Her spirit seems to be a little down. We're at mass one day and she's doodling in the worship aid, and I was a little irritated. I'm like, Claire, the homily wasn't that bad focus. And then she gives me the 12-year-old like, look, and then she hands me the worship aid and in the margin it says, just can't do it anymore. And then I write intuitively gymnastics, and she writes, yep. And then during the kiss of peace, rather than kissing or piecing, she says, can we walk home? I want to talk to you about this. So my wife and my son, they drive home. Claire and I walk home and during the walk she's like, dad, I don't think gymnastics. It's not working for me. And then really terribly beautiful, sad thing. She's like, I know this was probably going to be really hard for you.

(04:29):

She knows how deeply I've given it to her and her sports career, and she's correct. So she's onto something. But to hear her apologize, I'm like, Claire, Claire, Claire, I just want you to be happy. So if gymnastics isn't doing it right now, sort of that classic dad thing. Half lame, half genuine, whatever. So she says, I think we're going to have to undo my room today. If I don't do it today, I might not have the courage to do it. Her room is a shrine to gymnastics, and when you go to the tournaments, you pay them a lot of money and they give you stuff to get you back, like swag and metals and what have you. Her room is covered with all the stuff. So we get big black garbage bags, we put all gymnastics stuff in there, and Claire, we'll put this in the audit in the attic.

(05:11):

We can come back and get it. She's like, okay, dad, but I want it out right now. We get to the last thing in a room that's gymnastics related, which is a poster which is right above her bed, and it has some of the current USA gymnasts on it doing this thing that she wants to do and has yet to be able to successfully join. I take one of the thumbtacks down. She's like, dad, dad, dad, wait, just wait a minute. Then she pats the bed next to her, which is an invitation for a dad to go sit next to his 12-year-old daughter. She says, dad, here's the thing. I'm pretty scared. I know who I am as a gymnast, but I don't know who I am as a non-MS, so I'm scared. And then she just sort of talks in a couple tears, hold her.

(06:08):

I thought to myself, that's it. That's it isn't it? Isn't that liminal space that in-between space, when you're asked to let go of one bar before you grab the other and your feet are planted firmly in midair, like that space where I have to risk becoming something somebody, some entity, something else, unless this grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains. But a grain of wheat, that is the request of lit, is to enter into the in-between space, the liminal space, the space where you release something, release you in order to find you Dad. I know who I am as a gymnast, but I don't know who I am as a non-MS. I know who I am as married, but I don't know who I am as a widower. I know who I am financially stable. I don't know who I am as financially vulnerable. I know who I am when I can run marathons. I don't know who I am when I can't run. I know who I am as someone who is perpetually sad or scared. I don't know who I am as someone who has hope and passion and intrigue.

(07:28):

Dad, I know who I am as a gymnast, but I don't know who I am as a non-ST. So I'm a little scared. Lents, a little scary. It asks us to enter into a liminal space, the in-between space. It was such a terrible beauty to sit on Claire's bed as she relinquished one identity in the hopes of turning towards something more as a really, really, really proud dead as I think God, the part of God that is dead must be when we cooperate with Lent and relinquish in order to become.

(08:18):

Bless us so Lord, for these thy gifts, which we are currently receiving, from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen.

(08:24):

Stories & Other Things Holy.

(08:26):

See you in liminal space people. Amen.

Joshua Minden (08:45):

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(08:57):

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(09:34):

Until next week, friends, thank you for joining us for more Stories & Other Things Holy.